I Am That Girl

I have to tell you something.

You know when you’re at the store/office/movies/church and there’s this fat girl moving her straw around the bottom of her blended iced coffee drink cup like its a pool vacuum sucking up scum lest she miss one single molecule of whipped cream and caramel drizzle?

It’s me. I am that girl.

You can’t make me stop doing that. You would have to pry my domed plastic cup from my cold, dead hands before I would stop. Plus, there’s probably some physiological thing that happens if you die while sucking on something that makes it so you can stop sucking even in death.

I know for a fact that I’m never googling THAT.

SO, anyway, I will slurp the end of my frappé. If its iced coffee, I will suck on each ice cube to ensure maximum whipped cream input.

And yes, I know that the frappé is the one from McDonald’s. it’s good, yo!

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