This week is dedicated to farts and poop, and sometimes farts and poop together, which are the funniest. I have some really great stories in this genre (Is this a genre?). I feel it’s only fair that I share them.
I don’t have this person’s permission to tell his story. I didn’t ask. He doesn’t know that I know about it, probably. It should definitely stay that way. So, I’ll change some details to protect him, but the gist of the story will be the same.
A friend of The Husband’s (I’ll call him Buster.) asked him to help his mom move some stuff. The Husband and A Guy With A Truck were supposed to meet at Buster’s mom’s house and move the stuff. I knew Buster’s mom and also A Guy With A Truck’s wife. So, us ladies decided while the menfolk were doing man jobs, we would hang out together.
So, the guys all piled into A Guy With A Truck’s truck and went to move things.
When they were about finished, A Guy With A Truck asked Buster if he had keys to his mom’s house because he needed to use the bathroom. Since all the stuff they were moving was in the garage, Buster didn’t have keys, only the garage code. So, A Man With A Truck quickly hopped into his truck and said he was going to go find a bathroom.
The Husband and Buster sort of stood around and kicked rocks for the next half hour while they waited for A Guy With A Truck to come back.
Finally, he pulls in the driveway in his truck. He tells Buster and The Husband that they need to go.
So, they climb into the truck. They notice some things immediately:
1. All the windows are rolled down. It was too hot for fresh air.
2. There would be no fresh air despite the windows being open because the truck smelled like poop. Not stale fart smell. Undiluted poop smell.
3. A Guy is scowling.
4. He’s also sitting on a floormat.
No one says a word. A Guy pulls out of the driveway, gets on the interstate and heads to the place where they’re supposed to meet us. There is silence the whole way there (a 20 minute drive). The Husband and Buster both know that A Guy has crapped his pants. They also know that it was such a blow-out that the simple removal and disposal of A Guy’s drawers wasn’t enough to keep his truck from smelling like deuce. Also, they know that HE’S SITTING ON A FLOORMAT!
They meet us girls and A Guy tells The Husband and Buster to tell his wife that they needed to leave right them because he wasn’t feeling well. Oh-ho, ha,ha,ha. I’ll bet not, A Guy. You have poop in your pants!
As funny as it is though, I learned something from A Guy’s fiasco. If you ever poop all the way through your pants in public, a floormat is a great option! I would have gone inside a gas station smelling like poo to buy a newspaper to sit on before I even considered using a floormat. Bravo, A Guy!